Tactful Parenting ~ The Art of Apology

Practice what you preach. Speak to others as you wish to be spoken to. Aren't those wonderful parenting mantras? How many of us do that as often as we should? 

I was reminded of this the other day while rushing to get my daughter off to school on time. I said something harsh about her eye make-up. Instead of telling her how lovely her eyes are naturally and that they don’t need that much make-up, I bull-dozed her confidence by commenting how dark the mascara looked. She was crushed and looked out the window in silence the rest of the way to school. 

I felt sick all afternoon until I had the chance to apologize to her after school. I bombed in parenting 101, a plane engulfed in flames turning to ash. I should have focused my mind on saying something with a positive spin rather than a destructive one. My agenda self was irritated with her for spending so much time on her eye make-up (at least twenty minutes every morning). 

There was a happy ending. I swallowed my pride and apologized. Never one to NOT speak her mind, my daughter said how angry and hurt she felt by the comment, but was pleased that I recognized how my words affected her. I want my kids to know that parenting is a work in progress and being tactful can often be a life-long learning experience.

Teen Consequences: What Are Your Favorites?

Over lunch today, I met with one of my incredibly funny and well organized friends. She is focused. She makes a plan and works the plan. Her day of homeschooling three teenage boys is nothing short of amazing, so I enjoy gleaning a bit of her parenting wizardry when we meet.

The discussion between women of teens inevitably leads to the following: 1. Housework (or lack thereof by those lumps of flesh we call teenagers who share our space).  2. Homework: How much 'micro-managing' should we do when it comes to checking grades, meeting with teachers, and holding them accountable for assignments? 3. What consequences do you implement when #1 and #2 don't happen the way you planned?

My friend is a chart woman and since she spends a LOT of time with her kids. Keeping them accountable and busy is a full-time job, and she always comes up with creative ways of getting the job done.

Besides organizing their school work, co-op time, Boy Scouts,  housework, special outings, meal planning, homework, etc, she manages to have the energy to sit down and follow through on a daily chore chart that covers the boys' responsibilities throughout the day. It's been reviewed with them thoroughly. They know what is expected and the consequences if not completed.

My favorite is for the boy who has laundry duty; He is responsible for washing, drying, and folding all the previous days' laundry. If he forgets, then he does it the next day until he remembers to complete the task for the day. His brothers love it. They get out of laundry duty for weeks.

I wonder how I could use this same strategy for my kids. One of the tasks involves feeding the cat and cleaning out the cat box. I've posted a sign on the bathroom mirror with this reminder. I suggested putting a reminder in the cell phone to buzz when it's time for feeding. Still, it's rare that the cat is fed without my constant 'Has the cat been fed?' reminder. I can't let him die as a consequence. I'm thinking of something delicious like vacuuming out my car for each time I have to give the reminder. Dang, I'll have a sparkling clean car for sure.

Celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. dedicated his life to serving others. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964 for his work to end racial segregation and discrimination with nonviolent means.  A defining moment in his life occurred during a rally in Washington D.C. on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial where he delivered his famous speech, “I Have A Dream" He declared his passion for freedom to 'ring' throughout the world for all of humanity without discrimination.

Dr. King was assassinated on April 4, 1968, in Memphis, Tenn.  Martin Luther King, Jr.Day was declared a federal holiday in 1983 by President Ronald Reagan.

January 17, 2011 marks the 25th anniversary of the holiday celebrating his life’s work.

Raising Teens: Use Your Poker Face

Raising teenagers is like poker; It reminds me of the chorus verse to Kenny Rogers' song "The Gambler":

You've got to know when to hold 'em (or not)......by understanding the appropriate time to give empathy or when to express:  "Just because you are tired from playing all day from a sports' tournament the previous day doesn't exempt you from helping out with housework today. We all live in this house, help mess it up, and you are being given to opportunity of learning how to suck it up and help even when you don't feel like it."

Know when to fold 'em......by allowing teens down time when they physically and mentally exhausted. I realize I said 'suck it up' in the previous paragraph, but I'm referring to when emotions of the day dictate a break from homework, cell phone, and computer activities like Facebook. Teaching teens that closing your eyes and resting for a half hour can do wonders for your spirit and attitude. The grown up version of time out.

Know when to walk away....This a tough for me because I fight for justice. I don't like being treated unfairly or with disrespect. When I've chauffeured my teen and friends all over the neighborhood, cooked meals, cleaned up after meals, balanced the checkbook, did three loads of laundry, and made special treats for a party they attended earlier in the week, I get a little tense when I ask for help with a task. On the rare occasion I can step back from myself and take inventory of their day and mine, often I can literally say my peace and walk away. When this occurs, the situation that caused me grief usually subsides and I'm thankful for not loosing my temper. I actually win because the teen doesn't get the satisfaction of causing me stress.

Know when to run...is another hard one for me as stated above. I get emotionally involved and desire to prove my point and...(gasp), lecture. I think we parents lecture so we don't get out the frying pan and whack our kids over the head when they refuse to listen to our  sage wisdom. Knowing when to run can be used when you have no idea how to respond a teen's a question, behavior, or action. We have to right to say "I don't know, I'll discuss it with you later (when I don't feel like screaming), or When you get your attitude back on straight, we will discuss it."

Next time your teen is driving you to drink, yell, or throw something breakable, put on your poker face and hold 'em, walk away, or run.

How To Follow Me On Blogger

Check out this quick YouTube video on how to follow me on Blogger!


How To Follow On Blogger

Not A Quiet Neighborhood

There was some excitement in my neighborhood yesterday afternoon. As I went to pick up my daughter from school, I drove past a busy corner on the edge of a large residential area where there were about eight police cars, two fire trucks, various other vehicles, and a large, black van with the words painted on the side, "Bomb Squad Investigation".

Anything that says bomb squad and is within a mile of my house gets my full attention. Traffic was still flowing along past this menagerie which surprised me. I kept thinking, "How come the street isn't blocked off?" Kids were being dropped off from school buses about this time. I was concerned to say the least.

Desperate for information I scanned the news, turned on the radio and heard nothing. I finally found a small 'breaking news' article on the Seattle internet site describing the incident as an investigation for explosives in an abandoned well house that began around 2 pm today. Yikes! We have buried natural gas pipe lines. What if this thing blows some of the lines?

I waited a short while for my husband to get off work. We all hopped in the car and headed for the grocery store ten miles away at 6 pm. The road was finally blocked and traffic was being diverted around the scene. A few of the houses immediately across the street had been evacuated. When we returned home around 8 pm, the activity was still heavy but no other evacuations had occurred. A news update said that 2-3 explosive devices were found shrink wrapped along with firearms and ammunition buried around the well house. It is believed the individual responsible had been killed six months earlier by a bounty hunter. We had to trust that things were being handled and to get some rest for a busy day on Saturday.

AAA Gets Triple Stars in My Book!

Did you know that AAA offers travel services for members and non-members? You do pay a per ticket charge on top of the ticket price, after all AAA has to make a little money to pay their agents.

I recently used AAA to assist me in booking my two week Hawaiian vacation. My family is traveling to two different islands along with a friend of my daughter's and another family of four. Seems like a straight forward trip right? Not exactly.

The first week of the trip is to the island of Kauai where we will use our timeshare points. Getting a room in a timeshare works fine as along as you book a year in advance. We took are of that portion. The next week all of us, except for the friend of my daughter's, will fly over to the Big Island of Hawaii. This is where things get a little hinky.

Our fabulous travel agent, Mary, over at the South Hill- Puyallup AAA put together a package deal saving us hundreds of dollars each for airline tickets and great rates on car rentals for both families. We didn't realize that even though we were staying at a timeshare on one island, that we could get a discounted packaged rate on the second leg of our trip while staying at a resort. 

Mary spent several hours with us and two different occasions going over every detail such as travel insurance, using our Alaska Air miles to redeem tickets for the kids (didn't know we couldn't do that for the adults or we'd loose the package rate since it was linked to paying adults) inter-island flights, getting an unaccompanied minor back to home while we flew on to another island, rental car insurance, things to do on both islands, gave us maps and tour suggestions along with a friendly smile. With 20 years in the travel business, Mary is a wealth of information and has travelled extensively herself. She can rattle off rates as if accessing it from a computer and gives top notch service. Give her a call at 253.445.3745 and tell her Misty sent you!

This will be our 2nd visit to Waikoloa Beach Resort 

(A Marriott property) on the Big Island. We loved it here!

               A fabulous place for kids and adults.

Stumbling Momentarily Off The Food Wagon

This evening I made this incredibly healthy dinner. My son is in the middle of his wrestling season. We always eat better during wrestling season. If I don't cook what he can eat, he's likely to grab a square of cheese and a piece of lettuce and run off to his room. I kid you not.

I'm finishing up this wonderful meal of whole-grain noodles with low-fat cheese, low-fat elk burger, and broccoli, when my husband walks in and plunks down a Christmas tin. A post-surgery gift to me from a co-worker.  A tin suspiciously looking like it's full of something I swore I was finished with on January 1st. I can hear you yelling already, "YOU DIDN'T OPEN IT DID YOU FOOL?"

 Step away from the brownie and no one gets hurt!

Yes, I did. Not only did I open it, I took a bite. I was like Bruce the Shark in Finding Nemo. One bite and I was a goner. They were the MOST incredible tasting chocolate chip, cookie-like brownie thing I have ever eaten. Ever. My husband stood there watching me devour these with a very guilty look on his face and says, "Yeah, I had three on the way home". I almost decked him and smugly told him, "You won't be seeing me in that bikini in Hawaii if you bring any more of this type of food into this house again!"

It wasn't my fault. I'm innocent. If I gain 5 pounds tomorrow morning, my husband is eating hamburger helper for dinner on Friday.

New Eating Mantra

Do these jeans make my butt look fat? Is my muffin top showing through this shirt? I'm mentally weary from asking myself these questions. After all, I have post- baby, saggy belly fat; I'm on the other side of middle age and just about finished with menopause (translation... bye-bye metabolism). No, I won't miss that random blushing of the cheeks look, especially when it's so red people ask me if I'm ill with a fever.

Every female I know suffers from body-image issues and is or has been on a diet in the last month. I'm trying out a few new things for the new year to assist me with my body image. First, when I dive into the frig or cupboards I ask myself, "Will this help me get into a bikini for Hawaii this summer?, and "Will it help me loose ten pounds by August?" Ten pounds probably doesn't sound like much to you, but at 5' 2" that amount of weight is two pants' sizes smaller.


One of my BFFs and I, have set a date in March for when we want to loose ten pounds. We give ourselves permission to purchase a complete outfit and treat each other to lunch when we reach our goal. We will be doing weekly weight loss updates to each other via email. It's always better with a friend.

I'm excited! I have a plan of action and a deadline. I'm even contemplating before and after bikini photos. Not that I'd share them on the internet. Ewe!

What's your eating Mantra? Are you trying to loose weight? Be honest.

The Return Blahs

The best part of returns

I hate returning purchases. It's a phobia for me, even if the store is known for being reasonable about returns. For my daughter its no big deal. She is chaffuered to the store without a worry about parking, door dings, long lines, tired feet or negotiating your return without a receipt.

Okay, I sound like I'm 90. It's not that bad. My brain just remembers all the bad feelings of returns, not the good feelings of the shopping experience. The 'oh my gosh' it fits perfectly and is just what I was looking for feeling. The older I get, the less patience I have for finding that perfect fit. I prefer to order everything online that I can, if only they'd give me free shipping when I return it for a bad fit. Some places do, not many.

My happy feeling of waiting for a few shirts and sweaters to arrive UPS was fleeting as last night I carefully tried each one on and NONE of them fit. Sigh. Now I have to return them.

Where do you shop that offers the best online return policy?

Is it summer yet?

Brrrrrr....Is it cold enough here for you yet? I don't know about you, but the Pacific Northwest is known for its mild, winter weather. It wasn't mild today. It was bone chilling cold. The kind of cold when I take my dog outside for a walk, I have to wear three layers of clothing, thermal underwear, wool socks, gloves, and a hat in order to not have my teeth rattle. Wimp?  Heck yeah.

I stare out the window boldly proclaiming "I will walk the dog today". But the effort of putting together a cold-weather outfit for a 15 minute walk seems daunting. My mind wanders to visions of my Hawaiian summer vacation.

The white frost outside my door reminds me of white
sandy beaches, flip-flops, and shorts. I can't wait to get there and feel a warm tropical breeze while sipping something with an umbrella in it. Thank goodness for my vivid imagination during the long, dark month of January.

Back to School. Thank Goodness!

Family time is treasured time. Family time that is full of activities that keep the kids from fighting is the best time of them all. As our family winds down the holidays, I'm noticing that we're experiencing less and less patience with other. We need to get back to our routine. The kids need homework instead of XBox and Facebook.  We all need to see other faces besides those whom reside in this house!

I'm particularly anxious to dive into those closet drawers I boasted about in my 'New Year's Resolution' post. Every time I try to put something away, I have to stop myself from emptying it out onto the floor and dumping the contents into the garbage. Mind you, I'm not suppose to lift more than 10 lbs at a time, so this might prove to be challenging.

We finished putting away Christmas decorations today, and my husband and son took down all of the lights. I reveling in the space. The living room appears to have expanded by five feet and is no longer an explosion of red and white.

I love Christmas, but admit it, it's a lot of work for us moms. Now it's time to plan for Valentine's Day and Mother's Day. We've earned a few nights on the town don't you think?

New Year's Resolutions

What kind of Blogger would I be without a post about New Year's resolutions?

It has been said that if you don't aim for something you'll wonder around aimlessly. That's kind of been me this past year. While at home during my forced recuperation, (I say this with love because it is forcing me to take a long look at my life's goals) I've been making a plan for things I want to accomplish next year  and beyond.

I love the freshness of a new year. It's like clean sheets. This week I have been making a list of some things I want to accomplish and places I want to take the kids.

Here's some of my top THINGS TO DO IN 2011:

• Get bikini ready for Hawaii (no laughing!) 

Seriously, when I'm finished with surgeries, I have this goal to wear a bikini again. GO AWAY CHOCOLATE & COOKIES.

• See a comedy act (In Jan. we're seeing Lily Tomlin)
• Women's college basketball game
• Seattle Art Museum 
• Skagit Valley Tulip Festival
• Friends over for dinner (we rarely do this)
• Do more hiking on new trails
• Visit a lighthouse 
• Oktoberfest-Leavenworth & Nutcracker Musuem
• Snowshoe at Mt. Rainier 
• Ape Caves at Mt. St. Helens
• See a play
• Discovery & Olympic Sculpture Park
• Free concert in the park 
• Halloween train in Snoqualmie
• San Juan Islands for a weekend
• Creative Memories photo album for the kids
• Clean out my office-DEEP CLEAN IT.
• Clean out my bedroom closets & drawers
• Sell some stuff on e-Bay
• Get rid of junk stored in the basement. I mean it.

By the way, I made it to 11:30 pm New Year's Eve. I woke up at midnight when the dog jumped on the bed. Does that count as being awake for the new year?

How about you? What are your New Year's Resolutions? Any special places you want to see? 

Happy New Year's Eve 2010

Where will you be at midnight tonight? Every year it seems, I manage to stay awake until 11:30 pm. I try hard to stay up until the hour, but usually fall asleep.  I'll  report back tomorrow and let you know if I made it or not.

Be Safe

Have Fun

See you next year!

Ode To Driving Again

It's been three weeks
Since I gripped my car's wheel
Cleared for driving for I am
All very surreal
The roads are icy, I'm nervous I'll wreck
Fear of another surgery, gives my mind heck
Fastening my seatbelt, I turn the car on
Cruising down my driveway, no longer afraid
I wonder: Freeway or Backroads?
Which could be worse? I choose the freeway
and head out like a hearse
Traffic is sporadic
It's the middle of the day
But idiots abound, my mouth goes astray
I'm back in the saddle, proudly independent
It's been three weeks
No longer dependent!

Retail Therapy

There's nothing like a little retail therapy and lunch with a wonderful friend to make for an outstanding day.

A dear friend, who lives over an hour away from me, came by to take me to lunch today. (I'm being good and still not driving until the prescribed 3 weeks).  We've known each other since high school, so there's nothing we don't know about each other. It's awesome! We can talk about anything.

We began our visit at Red Robin Restaurant, (love their Ensenada Chicken platter) then talk of my new favorite store came up. We headed out to Buckle of course. My friend had lost some weight and needed a new pair of jeans.

Buckle is THE place to buy jeans that make your butt look hot, even if you're middle aged. She found a pair that fit her perfectly. I suggested she ask the sales gal to 'dress her' because that's what they do. It's like Nordstrom only better. She also found a fabulous top and necklace and walked out of there feeling like a million bucks. I loved the smile on her face. I had some Christmas money burning a hole in my pocket and found a few items for myself. 

We topped off our visit to Starbucks. Give me a  Grande, Breve, No water, 200 degree Chai Latte,  and I'll follow you anywhere.

Christmas Cleaning Day

When is your official Christmas cleaning day? You know, the day where you; throw out the cards without pictures, pull down the stockings and throw 'em in a sack, quickly remove ornaments from the tree so your husband and kids will feel guilty and spend the next three hours carefully wrapping each one, throwing the leftovers in the freezer, putting away decorative table clothes, wreaths, trying to figure out whose gifts you threw in a heap in the back bedroom, put away the gift wrapping paper, ribbons, and bow. Finally, don't forget taking down THE LIGHTS. (Not my job!)

My cleaning day begins the next business day after Christmas. The one where the kids disappear in order to avoid housework. I'm the one who puts away most of the decorations, so I figure I'm entitled to put them away when it's most convenient for me. My husband starts to whine if I try to take it all down the next day. This year I was too tired. I began the task by taking a few things down at a time, a good way to gently ease the family back into the swing of things. For some reason, when the living room is decorated, it becomes a no cleaning zone. How did I let this happen?

Is this your house after Christmas?

I did some scouring on the internet to see when others traditionally 'take down' the decorations. Here are a few of the answers I found:

1. If you chose a live tree, then it's best to take it down when the needles drop. By this time, it's a fire hazard. Amen!

2. Some said they put their tree up at Thanksgiving  and take it down the day after Christmas.  Um. No. This is far too early. 

3. Another tradition is to wait until Epiphany. This is the first week of January, I believe it's the 6th. It's the day the Wise men met the newborn King and gave him his gifts. Part of the tradition of leaving up decorations is that if you take down the tree with it's lights, then the Wise men cannot find their way to see the babe.  That all sounds grand, but I don't think my nerves would survive the no cleaning zone that long.


When do you take down your Christmas decorations? I really want to know.

Christmas leftovers, etc.

One of the best parts of Christmas are all of the leftovers. We prepare prime rib at Christmas. The next day it's prime rib sandwiches. It doesn't get any better than that, does it? Then, there's the 10 different kinds of cookies and 5 varieties of pies. I swear this year that I'm going to freeze the hip expanders, as soon as I go eat a few.

The gang is out snow skiing today. The wind is howling and the rain won't seem to let up for more than a few minutes at my house. I'm looking forward to summer weather already. They sent me a text from the mountain saying there is 75 mile an hour winds on part on the ski areas. My daughter assures me in another next text that those areas are closed before I ask her, "Is your father insane taking you there?"

Next week I will be celebrating my ability to drive again! Does this mean my husband will stop grocery shopping for me? I suppose. Dang.

Merry Christmas!

Despite having a major surgery 15 days before Christmas, I have had the best Christmas ever! Why? It's because I was forced to slow way, way down.

Every year, it's a huge panic; shop for gifts, plan the dinner, get the cards out, worry about whether people will enjoy their gifts, and dread the visit from the crazy relative.

This year was different. I savored every moment. I treasured all of the friends and family. I told everyone I loved them, lots. I didn't worry if everything wasn't perfect.  I feel like I have a second chance to become a better person. I don't want to blow it this time!

Merry Christmas!

Pot Belly

I just love how in your 40s you can exercise until your blue in the face and never seem to loose weight. Before my surgery, I was either walking a half-hour or riding an elliptical four times a week. I'd usually get in about 50 sit-ups two or three times a week as well. In 13 days, I've managed to gain back my little 'pot belly' I worked a year to get rid of (sigh).

I've been sleeping more too, which means I'm much more sluggish in the mornings. This morning I forced myself to get up 2 hours earlier than I had been. I fixed breakfast for the first time in a few weeks too. That felt good. I'm slowly regaining my energy. I was doing some light cleaning yesterday. By the afternoon of puttering around, I was exhausted. Now I'm off to shower and make an honest attempt at finishing Christmas cards.