Why Me?

The Pity Pot
Do you ever have moments in your life where you stand on your little pity pot, shaking your fist in the air, and cry, "Why me?" Well, I do. Lots. Before I discovered I have breast cancer, I was battling the bulge around the middle and a very stubborn shoulder injury that still refuses to heal properly. Wha, wha..poor me. I spent numerous hours exercising, doing physical therapy, charting my food intake, and counting calories. I was determined to get well and be out of constant pain. I went to my doctor and had lots of blood tests done. I asked my doctor, "How come I'm so tired all of the time? I don't sleep. I'm grumpy. My heart races, and I'm feeling anxious. Can I have some drugs now please?"

Stress Causes Disease
Part of the answer to these questions is that we have busy lives and are stressed out. Every bit of research and magazine you pick up now a days will pontificate the evils of stress. Stress causes diseases. I've had some time to think about this lately and ponder the things that have happened in my life since leaving a very secure job six years ago. I had carpel tunnel in 2006, which is why I had to leave my job. Looking back, it was the extreme stress in the job that caused the carpel tunnel. Stress that was self-induced. I was uptight, miserable and hated everyone and everything about the job. Why couldn't I just let things go? Why did I have to be so controlling?

Good questions. Why?

Live Life in the Now
Well, as I approach the tail end of my 40s, I realize that life is short. Wow, what a revelation! My kids are almost out of school and about to enter college. Why am I still not happy? What is my purpose in this life?
What do I want to be when I grow up? News flash for me; I need to stop living in the past and future and start living in the now. I don't know if living this way has been a protection mechanism that extends from a dysfunctional childhood, but I'm old enough to understand  that it's all in the past. I'm wasting the now with my hang ups and worries, and with cancer I only have now. It's a short life. I'm going to live it and continue going for my crazy dreams such as writing a novel. My point? Stop don't dreaming just because you're middle age (if you are that is). If you're not, then ignore people who don't believe in you.Surround yourself with those who do and who love you just as you are. For everyone: WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU!  Be authentic. Be true. Love life. Do good. Do what is right. If you do, then all the rest will fall into place.

Peace out!
M