Dec. 10th Surgery Date

After careful consideration of all the information I have available to me, I've decided to have a double Mastectomy on Dec. 10. Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family who have cheered me up during this stressful time. I am relieved to be moving forward and feel like I have the best medical care.

Another Dr Visit: Reconstructive Surgery After A Mastectomy

Let me just say this again, if you haven't had your annual mammogram please go get one. Finding early stage breast cancer is much easier to deal with than any other stage. If you catch it early, and there's only one spot, the treatment is shorter, less painful, and much less traumatic. If I had had my mammograms on a more regular basis, I'd probably just be having a Lumpectomy. Unfortunately, since mine is a bit more wide spread, I have other considerations to make.  I'll share a little bit of info about my recent visit with the plastic surgeon, his nurse and my choice for a Mastectomy.

I chose my plastic surgeon based on a recommendation by my breast surgeon. You can't imagine how many doctors you have to see when you have breast cancer. My cancer is NOT thought to be invasive. I'm not seeing a radiologist, oncologist, or any other cancer doctors at this time. I won't know if mine is invasive until my Mastectomy surgery is performed when breast tissues samples are tested directly from the operating room.

After a complete medical history was discussed with the nurse and all of my questions answered, I met with the surgeon, Dr. Nichols. His practice is primary 70% reconstructive surgeries for breast cancer patients. He is kind, compassionate, and answered more questions and never made me feel rushed. He also explained that reconstructive surgery isn't a one time deal. I will be visiting his office weekly for three to four months after.

The two surgeons work together during the initial operation. The breast surgeon removes the breast tissue, and the plastic surgeon inserts tissue expanders. These are left inside for a period of three to four months. During this time, I'll get weekly 'fills' to stretch the chest wall muscles in order to make room for implants which are inserted when I reach the size I desire. Custom boobs. Who can ask for more? I didn't discuss in detail with the plastic surgeon about what will happen if they find my cancer has spread. But, my understanding is that I would need to complete radiation and chemo before insertion of implants. Please pray that isn't the case.

There are many choices to make when you are diagnosed with breast cancer. Do I have only a Lumpectomy? This isn't the best option for me because I have more than one location. If it were, the recommended choice is Lumpectomy and radiation. Do I leave it and do nothing? That is a choice, especially since it's inside the duct. My rational conclusions all lead me to having a double Mastectomy for the best possible outcome and hopefully, be cancer free in the future.

Another choice to make is whether to test a lymph node to see if the cancer has spread. Once you do this and it's found to have spread, then chemo and radiation are suggested. Chemo, more often than not, causes Lymphodema in the arm where the sample of the lymph node was removed. This is a whole treatment and discomfort in itself.

Which treatment choices are the best? For me, the choice that I can live with and not be in constant fear is having a double Mastectomy and testing a lymph node. Statistics show that 50% of patients who have my type of cancer, will eventually get it in the other side. If that occurs, it usually returns in a more aggressive form. This isn't something I want to worry about, nor do I want to endure chemo and radiation treatment the second time around.

How do birds eat when its snows?

Check out this picture of my back deck. We haven't had this much snow dump on us in one day in a long time. My son, Daniel, measured it at five inches yesterday before the evening snow dump. Today, there's more like eight inches.

I often wonder how critters live during the cold winter months. This morning, my heart broke at the sight of a Humming bird hovering by a feeder I have just outside my sliding glass window. The tiny creature was frantically attempting to feed from its frozen bottle without success. I felt so guilty watching him from inside my warm home, hot cocoa and book waiting for my return. I quickly replaced the contents with warm sugar water and stepped outside to hang it. The moment I opened the slider door, a Humming bird impatiently circled the feeder in my hand.

I froze in place and to my astonishment, the bird landed and began drinking. I felt so honored that he was drinking while I stood there. I glanced over and noticed his emerald green feathers along his back and the long beak. He then took a drink from each of the four openings, taking his time as if to say, "Thanks. I was starving!" I was so thrilled to have witnessed this that I ran back inside looking for some nuts or birdseed to add to his bounty. 

I never thought I would be so attached to bird watching, but these little critters are like my pets. They are relaxing to watch and make you feel like you're doing something special. Maybe it's because I have two thankless teenagers that I need something that still makes me feel appreciated.

Snow Day

We got our first snow of the year yesterday. The kids went to school two hours late, which kind of throws off the whole day. I just received a text from daughter that school might be let out an hour early because it's snowing again, and hard. If it keeps up, we'll most likely not have school on Tuesday either.

After dinner, we are going to venture out and get a couple of Red Box movie rentals for a $1.00 each and of course some cheap sleds. With a warm fire, hot cocoa and movies to snuggle up and watch, it should be some special family time.

TGIF & a date with Harry Potter

Thank goodness it's Friday, and I'm praying it doesn't snow! The boys are gone hunting for the weekend, and Holly will be out with friends for the evening. I have the house to myself. I even cleaned it in celebration of there won't be anyone around to mess it up. :)

I'm spending time with a friend of mine this evening I've not seen in ages. Every so often we head to our favorite little Italian restaurant and laugh for hours on end about the antics of raising teenagers.

What do you do when you have some alone time? When I get home tonight, I'm going to write for my NaNoWriMo novel until my fingers bleed, then bury myself under the covers with the latest Harry Potter novel, "Deathly Hollows." I didn't used to be a H.P. fan until I started reading 'how to write a novel' books, and they constantly referred to J.K. Rowling's brilliant writing style. I have to admit, reading them is a pleasure.

In her seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series, Rowlings does a wonderful job of sneaking in explanations of past stories, people, or items that you may have forgotten about from previous books into the current story line, so you aren't lost on what the characters are talking about. There are lots of surprises, and I find I need to re-read passages because of the unexpected events that cleverly present themselves in a subtle way.

My mom is a huge Potter fan and wants to see the Deathly Hollows part 1 out in theaters this month. Since I've seen all of the prior movies, but never read the books, I thought it would be fun to read the book before the movie and see how well the production compares to her books.

Are you a Harry Potter fan? If so, which book (or movie) is your favorite?

Have a super weekend!

Goals & Life Getting in the Way

Life can often get in the way of our goals doesn't it? For example, I am pursuing a new career as a Physical Therapist Assistant. I finished up the prerequisites such as anatomy and physiology in March of this year. During this time, I was dealing with an excruciating shoulder injury. In September, I was diagnosed with being border-line diabetic. October gave me the glory of breast cancer. December will most likely include a surgery to remove the cancer. Whew! What a year. Amazingly, my desire to live has not ceased. My desire to become a PTA is still a burning passion. My goal of writing a novel is in the works. My goal of loosing 25 pounds is still going strong.  My point? I have goals, and I chip away at them daily even when life gets in the way.

The PTA goal is kind of hold due to the fact I cannot get a job or intern position at a therapy facility until I'm healed from the surgery. This is beyond my control, and I accept that. But, my goal of applying for the PTA program in February 2011 is a real possibility. I may not even get in for next year's program because I don't have enough job or interning experience. That's okay. If I don't, I will spend the time healing my body and soul and finding a job that is a good fit for me until February of 2012 when I can apply again. I also will have a senior in high school next year whose getting ready for college as well.

Another goal of mine is to loose weight. Since the diabetic scare, it's now a requirement, not just a goal. I eat consciously every day. I've been trying out the NutriSystem diet plan for two months and it works. My total weight loss this year is about 15 pounds. I also worked with a dietitian and learned that eating more fruits and veggies is critical in weight loss because of the fiber and water content. So many of us are dehydrated. Believe me, if you're not hydrated then things are not going to move along out of your body if you get my drift.

Finally, my favorite goal is writing. November is NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month. It's the half way point, and I've reached my goal of writing 25,000 words mid-month. I only have another 25,000 to go! The word count isn't to prove I can write a best-selling novel in one month, but to learn a new habit. This incredible habit of writing, setting goals, and living life on my terms. Isn't it awesome that we can have more than one goal?

Please share what your goals are this year? This month? Do you have a five year plan for your life?

Die Without Regret

I love this saying, "Die Without Regret." I heard this on a DVD entitled, Moving Beyond Breast Cancer produced by the National Cancer Institute. It was loaned to me from the cancer center in my town. Several breast cancer survivors were interviewed on how they coped with their feelings and their lives after the treatment. Here are some words of wisdom the survivors share that we can all live by:

Surviving cancer allows you a second chance in life

Live in the present

Love unconditionally

Tell people you love them...often

Stop procrastinating your dreams

Winter is here!

Last night was our first major storm of the winter. The wind howled and blew pine needles and branches all over the yard.  Thousands of homes, businesses and lots of schools were without power. My kids loved it of course. Me, not so much.  I had to keep kids busy, fed, and entertained.

Holly had high honors on her recent report card, so I took her to the mall to buy  a special sweater to celebrate. We had a nice time shopping together, and the mall was pleasantly quiet. Daniel spent the morning studying, then flew off to wrestling practice. The school had its' power restored in time for that.

It's only 8 pm, but I feel like it should be 11 pm. I'll be heading to bed early tonight, and praying that I still have power by the morning!

Grey's Anatomy

Did you know you can watch free movies on Hulu.com? My favorite T.V. series of ALL time is Grey's Anatomy. I just finished watching season 1,  episodes 1, 2, and 3. They are just as fabulous as the later ones I started watching earlier this year on Hulu. It's way too late and time for bed.

Who wouldn't stay up late for Dr. Shepard!

 As you can see from this post, it's midnight. I should be asleep.

Waiting Can Make You Crazy

Tomorrow is Nov. 14, which is almost a month since my diagnosis. There are times when I wish I was finished with a surgery and done with cancer. I suppose when the day arrives and I head into surgery, I'll be relieved and not terrified eh?

How about you? Have there been times of dread where you had to wait and decide for the right decision?

What was it?

It's Good to Share

One of the benefits of sharing the news of an illness is that you find many people know someone who has the same thing. Sadly, Breast Cancer is becoming very common, probably because of early detection. Fortunately though, there are higher and longer survival rates.

Last week, I was telling a friend in my writing group about what I'm going through, and she offered to have someone she knows who had a Mastectomy three years ago give me a call. The friend called me. Let's call her Joan. It just so happens that the surgeon who did her Mastectomy is the same one I'm working with.

What a relief to her story. She was very pleased with our surgeon, Dr. Lynn Clarke. She didn't have much pain, her scar isn't that bad, and she is cancer free. This particular woman has a huge family history of Breast Cancer. A total of 7 out of 8 close relatives have had Breast Cancer - her grandmother, mother, two sisters and three cousins.

Joan was diagnosed in her early 60s with the same cancer I have, which is DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ). She opted for Mastectomy without reconstruction. A relative of hers didn't have a good experience with reconstruction. The relative had difficulties with the expanders that are put in prior to reconstruction (after the Mastectomy). I don't have much data on this, but the few stories I've heard and a woman I know are finding that if you have to have chemo and radiation, then opting for reconstruction during those treatments might not be the best option. Choosing reconstruction at a later date when your chemo and radiation are complete might be a better option.

I'm thankful for input like this. It is a question I can pose to my breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon later on. A question such as, 'If after testing my lymph nodes and there is invasive cancer, will the plastic surgeon be willing to postpone the reconstruction or will he charge me for his time in standing by while the breast surgeon does her job.

Vitamin D3 Levels & Breast Cancer

One of the tests my breast surgeon did a few weeks ago was to check my vitamin D level. A blood draw is necessary for this test. According to the National Cancer Institute's website regarding vitamin D: 


Vitamin D is involved in a number of processes that are essential for good health, including the following:

• It helps improve muscle strength and immune function.
• It helps reduce inflammation.
• It promotes the absorption of calcium from the small intestine.
• It helps maintain adequate blood levels of the calcium and phosphate needed for bone formation, mineralization (incorporating minerals to increase strength and density), growth, and repair.

Photo courtesy of Google Images

The National Cancer Institute refers to clinical trials that have shown evidence of Vitamin D slowing down the rate of growth in cancer cells as well as noting people who live in southern climates having a lower incidence of Vitamin D deficiency and less cancers, specifically breast and colorectal cancer. 

Many people get their Vitamin D from sun exposure. For those of us who live in the Pacific Northwest, where if often rains nine months out of the year, we need to supplement. Three years ago, my gynecologist suggested 4,000 IU of Vitamin D per day.  I have been following this regime and my levels are still low. I'll be taking a look at the brand I've chosen.

I'm not a doctor, so please make sure you check with your own physician on what the appropriate levels of Vitamin D are for you. My point is, get it checked, especially if you are over 40.

A Visit to the Cancer Resource Center

I have this cute little Chia Pet I wanted you to see. Unfortunately, I can't find a simple button that will rotate this stinking picture upright. Lean your head to the right, then this picture will make more sense.

Sideways view of Chia Pet



A friend of mine gave me this little Breast Cancer Chia Pet. She has Breast Cancer and recently had a Mastectomy and is under going Chemotherapy now. I had called to see how she was doing and to cheer her up. When I told her of my diagnosis, she immediately came to my house to cheer me up and presented me with this Chia. It's already growing 'hair'.

We talked for hours, then went to the Dr. Richard C. Ostenson Cancer Center near our local hospital. What an amazing place this. They carry free wigs, have shelves-upon-shelves of free material on breast, prostate, lung cancers, etc. There are books and DVDS they loan out and classes for patients, caregivers, and families. Most of them free. They also have a few retail items such as t-shirts, hats, bracelets, pillows, and scarves which help support the free programs. Next week, I'm taking my friend to a free class at the resource center called, "Look Good, Feel Good." It is a class to assist ladies with how to do their makeup and how to tie on scarves or wear wigs. If you know someone who has cancer and hasn't checked out a resource center, I encourage you to take your friend or loved one and spend some time there. It's a wonderful place to get connected to what is currently available to cancer patients and their families.

Celebrating Christmas in November!

Sunday, my daughter, Holly and I decided to celebrate Christmas in November. Why not?  Christmas is a cheerful time of year. We pulled out the holiday DVDs, some Nutcracker statues, the Christmas tablecloth, and the manger scene. It made the house feel warm and cozy. It's tradition to play the Elvis DVD while we  decorate. I laugh at it now, because the kids always gave me such a hard time about playing that one and me dancing around shaking my hips. Now they dance for me!

During this challenging season of my life, I realize how important it is to keep on living life and not act as though I'm dead. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for people who live alone or don't have children to keep them busy. An early lesson that this illness is teaching me is to be more present and focused on today, not yesterday or tomorrow. I'm a planner and a worrier, so I guess this is something God wanted me to work on in a huge way.

Have a beautiful Monday!

What Cancer Cannot Do

I am so incredibly blessed with amazing friends and a wonderful family. I received a bracelet last weekend from my dear friend, Erin. It reads:

     What Cancer Cannot Do - It cannot invade the soul, suppress memories, kill friendship
                                                destroy peace, conquer spirit, shatter hope, cripple love,
                                                    corrode faith, steal eternal life, or silence courage

I cry every time I read it.

Thank you, Erin!
Love You Always,
M

Little Acts of Kindness

I'm old enough to know that wallowing in self-pity is never a good thing. With cancer, that little pity devil loves to come visit you. I kicked his butt today. I enjoyed a nice walk with my dog at the park this morning. Poor thing. She hasn't been walked in months and can hardly get herself up onto the couch. Maybe the couch part isn't so bad, but just like people our pets need exercise too.

We started slow and walked for a half an hour around the lake inside the park. There weren't many people there on a Friday at 10:30 am, except a dad and his boy of about two. The dad was taking pictures of his little guy fishing. They were both having so much fun. I called out, "Would you like a picture of you  together?" The dad beamed and said, "Yes, please." I snapped a picture of that joyous occasion and almost cried. I felt good, and the dad was gushing at how nice it was of me to stop and do that for him. Little acts of kindness to others can really boost your day!

Calling My Lifeline

This morning I had a rough start. After my post last night about dying your hair red, my subconscious went crazy. I had a scary and vivid dream about my hair falling out and how I would look after a Mastectomy. Not good to focus on that. I sucked up my pride and called a friend. She graciously took my hand and kept me from falling into a pit of despair. 

Sometimes, too much research can be a bad thing.

Die Your Hair Red

I suppose when you contemplate whether or not you'll be having Chemotherapy, it's natural to be thinking about your hair and how much you're attached to your hair. I had mine cut & colored today. This is such a special treat for me. It always has been. I have THE most incredible stylists. Love her!  She always does exactly what I ask of her. We chatted at length about Breast Cancer, another patient of hers who just had a Mastectomy and whatever else popped into the conversation. She's an excellent conversationalist. I even wondered, should I just do some wild and crazy color like dark red if I have to do Chemo?  Would you?

Fight Like A Girl!

Today ended much better than it began. I had a difficult time getting out of bed, not because I was sick. I didn't want to face reality. But you know what? It all comes back to living each day on purpose. Any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow. So me focusing on things that don't serve me are a waste of time.

I dragged myself out of bed, and sent an email to a parent/friend from my kid's school. She'd recently had a Mastectomy and didn't know I had been diagnosed yet.  I realized this morning that I need to connect with other women who are experiencing the same emotions and fears that I am. Even though I have been able to manage my fear, it took a firm grip for a short while. My friend called me as soon as she read my e-mail. My intention in e-mailing was to cheer her up. Instead, she came right over with chicken soup and a hysterical Breast Cancer Chia Pet cheering me up! She also brought along this huge bag of pamphlets, wig info, books, DVDs, and financial resources available to women, especially low income or those who become unemployed.

We went to the cancer resource center near my house and spent two hours there yakking it up with other ladies that came in. All of us were in various phases of our treatment. It was enlightening and interesting. One thing these ladies all have in common is their spirit. They're fighters. My friend and I decided to buy each other matching T-shirts that said, "Fight Like A Girl!" with the Breast Cancer logo on it. My absolute favorite said, "Of Course There Are Fake! The Others Tried To Kill Me!" It still makes me laugh. I couldn't bring myself to get that one yet. I'm hopeful that I don't need to go that route.

Finally, our family celebrated my son's 17th birthday then attended our daughter's volleyball end-of-season party. I was so grateful to be alive and able to share these moments with them. I reminded myself that I will be doing treatment and fighting hard in order to see many more years of birthdays!

Day 1 of NaNoWriMo

In other news, day 1 of National Novel Writing Month = 1,600 words which is approximately 6 handwritten pages for me.  A nice way to end an emotional day.

First Appointment with a Breast Surgeon

Today I met with a breast surgeon. I brought a friend with me to this appointment. That was the best part of the appointment, visiting with my friend before, during, and after. Thank you Elaine for coming along beside me. Having you there made me stronger, as well as all of my friends and family who I know are praying for me too. Thank you.

There was a lot of information discussed. The doctor was wonderful. She read my medical history and went through it line-by-line, even noting that I was taking way too much calcium, which (she explained) may be the reason I have been having heart palpitation issues. I also had a blood draw to test for the Breast Cancer gene. For now, it will be two weeks until the results and my next appointment with the surgeon. Upon leaving her office, I received a goodie bag filled with books, handouts, support group info, directories, you name it and a hug. I'd admit, having a surgeon give me a hug made me nervous. But that's why I chose a women surgeon. She can relate.

The most difficult part of the appointment has been the aftermath. This evening I'm quite emotional. I guess I have been trying to suppress what's really happening inside my body with humor and keeping myself busy. Tonight, those walls came down. I'm having to come to grips now that I may need a Mastectomy, since the MRI revealed more possible sites of the cancer on the same side. I feel fortunate that so far, nothing appears to be on the other side.

The waiting continues.