Raising teenagers is like poker; It reminds me of the chorus verse to Kenny Rogers' song "The Gambler":
You've got to know when to hold 'em (or not)......by understanding the appropriate time to give empathy or when to express: "Just because you are tired from playing all day from a sports' tournament the previous day doesn't exempt you from helping out with housework today. We all live in this house, help mess it up, and you are being given to opportunity of learning how to suck it up and help even when you don't feel like it."
Know when to fold 'em......by allowing teens down time when they physically and mentally exhausted. I realize I said 'suck it up' in the previous paragraph, but I'm referring to when emotions of the day dictate a break from homework, cell phone, and computer activities like Facebook. Teaching teens that closing your eyes and resting for a half hour can do wonders for your spirit and attitude. The grown up version of time out.
Know when to walk away....This a tough for me because I fight for justice. I don't like being treated unfairly or with disrespect. When I've chauffeured my teen and friends all over the neighborhood, cooked meals, cleaned up after meals, balanced the checkbook, did three loads of laundry, and made special treats for a party they attended earlier in the week, I get a little tense when I ask for help with a task. On the rare occasion I can step back from myself and take inventory of their day and mine, often I can literally say my peace and walk away. When this occurs, the situation that caused me grief usually subsides and I'm thankful for not loosing my temper. I actually win because the teen doesn't get the satisfaction of causing me stress.
Know when to run...is another hard one for me as stated above. I get emotionally involved and desire to prove my point and...(gasp), lecture. I think we parents lecture so we don't get out the frying pan and whack our kids over the head when they refuse to listen to our sage wisdom. Knowing when to run can be used when you have no idea how to respond a teen's a question, behavior, or action. We have to right to say "I don't know, I'll discuss it with you later (when I don't feel like screaming), or When you get your attitude back on straight, we will discuss it."
Next time your teen is driving you to drink, yell, or throw something breakable, put on your poker face and hold 'em, walk away, or run.
No comments:
Post a Comment